Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween - A final (Trick or) treat

Happy Halloween everyone.  First off, if you haven't done so, Erin Cole's 13 Days of Horror wraps up today.  Head on over and check out the finale.  It's a killer!

Next - I had totally planned to unveil one last "Halloween Card" for you here, but wouldn't you know it, the story took off, and it's now way too long.  So, I'm pleased to share with you a piece that debuted at Flashes in the Dark last Halloween.  All the best!



At the All Hallow's Eve Buffet (Kids Eat Free) 

“Hello Clarisse. Have the lambs stopped screaming?”

“Take that off, Dennis. It wasn't funny in that movie and it's not funny now. Great. You've ruined it now. I was going to eat that, you know.”

“You don't need it Carla. The grease goes right to your ass.”

“You shut up Lindsay. If anyone needs to watch their weight ...”

“I'm an ogre Carla.  Honestly.  Besides, I've only had a thigh and one breast."

The were-jackal was sulking now and the rest of the group couldn't care less. They were having the time of their lives. 

"You know," the Cacodemon's voice was sloppy as he munched on a leg, "We should do this more often."

The triclops, Walt to his friends, rolled all his eyes.  The Cacodemon was a first rate killer, but could be dumb as a post at times; so he couldn’t resist, “You’re absolutely right Dennis, what say we get together on Hallowe’en next month too?”

Dennis helped himself to another piece of meat and said nothing else.  His natural red hue got a few shades darker.

There was a tremendous crash to the left, and a hideous, burbling scream that should have liquified the bowels of anyone within earshot.  Being that all the most horrible creatures in the world were present and accounted for, nobody around the campfire batted an eyelash.

The mud golem emerged, and seeing he had impressed absolutely nobody, slumped down beside Carla and threw a sludge-encrusted arm around her.  "What's goin' on good lookin'?"

That got a reaction, as the woman-thing snapped her powerful jaws together, severing the elemental's hand at the wrist, "Ugh, you taste like man-hands.  Go away Steve."  

“This from a girl who couldn’t read ‘Beware of Dog.’” 

“JACKAL.”

“Whatever.”  The muck-man regrew his hand and started chomping on a hindquarter.

The behoemoth to his left flashed him a snaggle-toothed grin, and batted lumpy eyelids, “Steve, how was it out there?”

“Same as always, Lindsay, best night of the year.  Nobody says a word when they see you walking around, just right out there in the open.  Oh, except for this,”  There was a sludgy, ripping sound as something vomited  free from his chest. It was a tiny, dirty brass cup. “Some drunk frat kids gave this to me.  They said I deserved it more than them. Kids, huh?”  There was a sinister round of laughter at that.

The group fell silent for a few minutes.  All that could be heard against the silent backdrop of the woods was the greasy smacking sound of meat being rent from bone.  Even Carla had decided to dig in again, perceived slights forgotten for the moment.  Happily, there’d been at least one more juicy strip of crispy skin left, so she was sated, “Whoever thought of this was a genius.  This whole night has been SUCH a treat so far.”  She threw down her bones back into the bucket.”

The Cacodemon burped in agreement.  “Now I know why the humans like this stuff.  Eleven herbs and spices make it SO tender”

Walt had a more pragmatic concern, “Any left?”  A quick look around confirmed the chicken was, in fact done.  “Well then,” he continued, “shall we get on with the main event?”
They all turned to the group of bound and gagged teenagers, each still wearing their torn and bloody costumes.  The pretty young blonde who seemed to be dressed as a hooker-cat had been sobbing non-stop, and thick black mascara coated her cheeks.  The biggest boy, dressed as a vampire, which actually made the monsters a little embarrassed on his behalf, was whimpering and smelled distinctly like shit.  It turned out Steve’s little bellow had scared someone.

“Alright kids,” the triclops bared his double row of needle teeth in a nightmare grin, “Trick or Treat?”

The abominations advanced, and the screaming began in earnest.

“Oh, and thanks for the chicken,” added the Cacodemon..

“… DENNIS!”

1 comment:

  1. That's great, Chris. I had similar thoughts to yourself and posted a story from last Halloween. Not because I started one and it ended up too long. More to do with too much alcohol consumed at our Halloween fancy dress party last night and a head full of fog.

    Hey, we had a great night though, although we're still cleaning up the house.

    Happy Halloween, my friend!!

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